19 de outubro de 2013

There's an inner beautty about women who believes in herfself!

 Ive being working a lot lately, wish I love!! I am even with no patience being in front of a computer a lot.. as I used to! I just feel like life is passing fast.. and enjoying doing things I like  has being my priority! I would say fall is my favorite time of the year! With the pass of the years, Iam getting to know myself better! Things that used to matter.. are just crap for me today! It is funny how we change.. and I love it! Iam not the same girl I was in the pass! Iam so much happier, confident, mature! I am not afraid of life, and when you live like this.. trust me.. no one can change how you feel! Ive decided to live good and to have a positive spirit! No, I dont think myself as someone better than anybody, but i sure do not want to live, look of fell like anyone else! Iam happy where Iam today, and I know great things come for those who fight, believe, and move to get it! Life can be so cruel to you.. my life right now is good, but I do, and Iam passing for some difficult time.. but I wont let my head down! Everybody is struggling with something, ALWAYS! The thing is.. be strong and run to your dreams!If you're facing a situation that might mean making a brave but difficult decision, take some time to think it over. If you feel strongly about what needs to be done, you can use that to help boost your courage in the moment. Ask yourself:
1. Is this the right thing to do? The right thing isn't always the easiest, nor the most popular. Rely on your conscience to help you decide.
2.Are you prepared to face the consequences? If the action you're about to do has huge consequences, take an extra second to think about it. If the worst-case scenario happened, would you be able to handle it?
Dont think - ACT. After a certain point, it's better if you stop dwelling on what you're about to do and just do it. Take a deep breath, try to clear your mind, and go forward with what you've already decided on. Try not to hesitate, and focus on just getting through it.
Have a good night!
Hisis Poe.................  xoxo








1 de outubro de 2013

I love myself more and more with the pass of the years!

When I was younger, I always wondered how I would turn out to be, to feel and to want to my life! Today, Iam almost a 34 years old woman! WOW.. it looks like it was yesterday when I was 19 years old. I always was full of life, outgoing and very sincere! I would say I pretty much feel the same way, only better! Today, little stupid things don't bother me anymore. I dont care about what anybody thinks about me.. or about what I do! I just leave each day well.. I would say I could even live each day to the fullest.. but doing that.. I would go against a lot of things.. moral.. and I would hurt a lot of people! So I dont know if I should or not live to the fullest.. maybe one day when Iam too tired of shit, of moral, tired of people and  I will just say:  screw it and fuck it! We only live once.. so why not to all the crap u want?? sometimes, i think I was born to be a alone being in this earth.. I dont know why, but I think I would do better.. because I just hate telling people what I did, what Iam gonna to do.. or all that kind of crap.. I know it will come the day.. that I will explode and say fuck off to everybody.. I know this.. I alreaddy do this to a lot of people.. I dont like anybody telling me what do to, or how to behave.. Iam not a puppet, or a dog! I like being free.. I tottally get the point of all those free spirit people.. a lot of people judge them.. I dont... I admire them! Life is short, and you never know when you are going to die.. so, why not live the way u want?  sometimes.. I think that if I died today.. I would be very upset.. in hell or in paradise.. i would feel like I didnt live and I didnt get to do all the things I wanted... I want to break the rules.. I dont want to exist.. I want to live.. I want to have fun, I want to travel, I want to know a lot of new people, from different culture, countries, I want to do things i never did before.. so this being said... Iam a new Hisis, the old is gone and if you dont like it, Fuck you!







24 de setembro de 2013

Motivo de nao frequentar mais a igreja!

Bom, esse topico traz muita polemica, porem no meu ver... e algo tranquilo, uma decisao que deve ser respeitada.. assim como as pessoas que frequentam qualquer igreja e querem ser respeitados por isso! Primeiramente, eu acredito em Deus! Eu nao tenho nada contra igrejas, e muito menos contra os ensinamentos de qualquer que seja a igreja! Meus pais sao mormons, e eu fui batizada em 1991 qdo eu tinha 11 anos de idade! Eu lembro muito bem daquela decisao que precisei tomar.. eu nao queria.. porem acho por ser algo novo.. e eu ser nova.. eu decidir com toda aquela coisa da familia se batizar... eu fui junto! Acho que qdo cresci um pouco mais.. eu nao gostava de ir para a capela... eu nunca gostei.. eu nao tenho medo de falar isso, pois e a realidade.. tem pessoas que gostam.. e tem outras que nao gostam! Meu pai sempre foi muito ativo.. e sempre me obrigou a ir para igreja nos domingos... a ir para os acampamentos, seminario etc.. e eu ia amarrada... uma coisa terrivel! Com o passar dos anos.. eu fui percebendo como as pessoas sao falhas (isso e normal pq ninguem e perfeito).. e comecei a ver as atitudes de lideres que eu confiava e me espelhava... atitudes monstruosas... e a partir dai eu nao tinha mais respeito por nenhum lider da igreja! O que estou falando nao e generalizando e falando que ninguem la vive o que ensina.. ou que ninguem la presta... existe sim os exemplos bons.. pessoas que realmente vivem e buscam ser como Cristo.. pessoas que nao julgam e tentam ao maximo nao quebrar os mandamentos do senhor!  Com o passar dos anos... e com tudo acontecendo em minha volta.. eu sempre fui uma menina que gosta de liberdade, de ser livre, de nao dar satisfacao, de fazer o que eu quero, sem pessoas falando como eu devo fazer algo. Eu criei um nojinho pelas pessoas da igreja (nao pela religiao! Eu respeito a religiao, eu respeito Deus, eu nao desejo o mau a ninguem e acredito que os ensinamentos qdo colocado em pratica da maneira que dever ser.. ele sera realizado com sucesso)... eu amo Deus.. e eu acredito e sinto o amor dele em todas as coisas... quando eu olho para minha filha.. o amor que eu sinto por ela, eh o amor de Cristo.. de Deus... quando eu penso em minha familia... no meu marido, quando eu sinto a vontade de ajudar o proximo eu sinto o amor de Deus comigo... eu sinto paz no meu coracao e eu busco ser uma pessoa melhor a cada dia... mas eu nao frequento nenhuma igreja... e jamais irei frenquentar! Muitas pessoas falam.. que a pessoa que nao frequenta uma religiao vai para o inferno.. eu nao concordo com essa teoria.. ate pq acredito que o inferno e um lugar para as pessoas que realmente vivem dominados e com atitudes demoniacas.. pessoas que matam, que abusan criancas, que cometem crimes, que negam o espirito santo.. que tiram a propria vida.. essas sim irao para o inferno!  O meu marido ainda vai para a igreja, e minha filha tambem frequenta.. eu dou apoio total.. arrumo ela.. ela escuta os hinos que precisa ensaiar, abencoa o alimento, oramos antes dela dormir.. etc. Eu fui casada no templo e independente de nao estar ativa.. eu nao acredito que minha familia nao sera eterna... eu acredito que sera.. e nao sou temente a isso de maneira alguma! Admiro as pessoas que sao ativas.. eu, Hisis, sou uma pessoa completamente perfeccionista.. se eu nao posso ser 100% boa em minha vida na igreja, eu prefiro nao ser nada... eu sei q a igreja e como um hospital.. onde os membros buscam sempre se fortalecer e curar o que nao estar bem.. eu nao gosto de ver pessoas pregando algo e fazendo o contrario o tempo todo.. ainda isso sendo normal.. afinal ninguem e perfeito! Eu nao consigo viver dessa forma.. seria como se eu estivesse enganando a mim mesma.. e a Deus.. eu sei que ninguem eh ou jamais sera perfeito.. mas no meu ver... voce nao precisa ser perfeito, mas voce pode sim ser uma pessoa que cumpre e tenta o maximo seguir 100% qualquer que seja sua religiao.. e eu nao vejo isso em ninguem..e acho meio que.. nao sei nem como dizer isso.. mas eu me sinto mau.. fico enojada.. Como eu gosto de viver do meu modo.. eu sigo acreditando no amor maior.. e vivo cada dia buscando ser melhor.. porem eu vou errar muito.. eu erro muito.. mas eu nao me preocupo mais com os outros me julgando.. e esse sentimento e tao bom.. e hoje eu me sinto livre.. eu sei o que eu preciso fazer.. eu amo viver.. e se algum dia acontecer algo.. eu ficar doente... ficar com uma doenca terminal.. eu irei lutar com todas minhas forcas sempre.. pq viver e maravilhoso.. a vida e maravilhosa.. e eu me acordo todos os dias grata por ter amor no meu coracao e por ter uma familia, por ter onde morar e o que comer! A vida mortal e passageira... e eu sei que o espirito vai muito alem que esssa vida mortal.. e eu mesmo sem frequentar uma religiao.. eu cuido de minha alma.. eu busco ser uma pessoa do bem e estar em sintonia com Deus.. e com a natureza! Eu ja nao me preocupo mais com o que falam de mim.. eu ja passei dessa fase boba...eu estou com 33 anos.. e nunca me sentir tao viva como hoje.. Eu nao consigo mais ir para a igreja.. e ninguem jamais podera mudar essa realidade, pq eu sei o que eu quero.. e isso nao ira mudar! Meu marido Patrick entende e respeita.. ele nunca me obrigou a nada, muito pelo contrario.. ele me respeita muito.. e nos somos melhores amigos e confidentes.. ele sabe do meu passado e estar presente em minha vida hoje 100% e eu nao poderia ser mais grata do que eu sou por ter essa pessoa maravilhosa comigo.. ele me conhece de alma.. ele sabe de minhas magoas, medos, sonhos e desejos mais profundos.. Ele sempre estar la nos bons momentos.. e nos momentos negros de minha existencia! Ele e a pessoa que eu mais amo, juntamente com minha filha! Eu morreria por eles dois...
Com o passar de todos esses anos.. e eu diria com o meu amadurecimento e o saber do meu eu, do que eu sou, fui e quero ser.. eu simplismente decidir nao ir mais a igreja.. eu ia e sentia agonia.. ficava de mau humor.. nao gostava qdo vinham falar comigo.. o clima era totalmente chato e pesado para mim.. nao que eu estivesse julgando as pessoas.. mas eu sinto agonia de tudo.. dos hinos.. das pessoas.. eu nao sei como explicar esse sentimento sem soar meio anticristo ou alguma coisa desse tipo... mas sim.. eu ficava com raiva na igreja... quando era para eu sentir paz e amor no meu coracao... eu nunca conseguir sentir isso.. foi uma das razoes que eu decidir por um ponto final.. eu fiz uma oracao a Deus explicando a ele tudo o que eu sinto.. sinceramente, eu pensei q eu iria me sentir mau.. mas o amor de Deus por seus filhos e tao grande.. e eu sinto o amor dele.. e eu sinto que ele estar comigo.. e independente de nao ir mais a igreja.. eu sinto o amor dele em minha vida.. e eu sei que ele nao me abandonou e jamais ira me abandonar! Em toda minha vida eu conheci muitas pessoas que valeram a pena... conheci outras que minha nossa... essas sim.. me deram nojo e vergonha por elas se passarem por serem firmes na igreja so por faxada ou para serem aceitos na sociedade ou na familia! O meu pai mesmo.. quando eu falo com ele.. ele so fala sobre a igreja.. ele nao aceita o fato de eu nao ir mais.. toda vez qdo falo com ele e so o que ele fala.. e isso me deixa super triste.. eu acredito qdo voce ama alguem voce respeita e aceita a pessoa do jeito que ela eh... eu as vezes sinto que e como se ele nao conhecesse a Hisis real... a pessoa que eu sou hoje.. e isso doi.. mas eu aprendi que algumas coisas nunca irao mudar.. e simplismente eu aceito.. e sigo em frente.. Nao sei se minha falta de desejo tem haver com meu passado e o modo como eu era obrigada a tudo... nao sei se meu presente hoje tem haver com isso.. de querer seguir em frente e fazer o que eu quero sem me preocupar com o que as pessoas pensam... uma parte de mim nunca mudou.. eu sempre soube
que eu gosto de coisas que para algumas pessoas sao erradas.. para mim nao eh.. e nao existe coisa melhor do que fazer e viver da maneira que te agrada.. eu aprendi a me amar.. eu venho acima de tudo.. ate pq qdo vc se ama.. vc e feliz.. vc e uma pessoa melhor.. e eu sempre busco essa sintonia comigo mesma.. e essa sintonia me fortalece como pessoa.. e eu sou uma melhor mae, esposa e amiga! A Hisis antiga morreu... Eu me sinto nova em folha com alguns habitos da velha Hisis... e se alguem nao gosta.. eu sinto muito.. simplismente passa rapido por mim e me esquece.. pq a vida segue para todos! xoxo Hisis


22 de setembro de 2013

Broken Heart!

These last days I've been thinking A LOT about some people that I love.. I feel so sad right now.. just by looking some old pictures and feeling the happy moments by that time in the past! I feel sad to see that all that is gone.. it is like it died and now we have to just remember.... all those memories.. they wont come back.. or they wont bring new happy moments.. It is like a part of my heart broke.. and I feel the pain that it brings to my soul.. I keep looking these pictures.. because they are on my digital frame.. where I put a bunch of pictures, and they keep passing.. I just wish I could fix broken hearts.. I wish I could make people to feel happy together... I wish I could see everybody happy like it was before.. but the reality is cruel.. and this reality is open and raw.. and I think just time.. will mend what is going on right now! It is just how I feel now..without hope for a new begining.. the truth hurts.. when you know that you can't make another person to love you back! I really wish I could help somehow.. but the truth is.. I cant! ;-(



18 de setembro de 2013

Fear!



 Fear is a vital response to physical and emotional danger—if we didn't feel it, we couldn't protect ourselves from legitimate threats. But often we fear situations that are far from life-or-death, and thus hang back for no good reason. Trauma  or bad experiences can trigger a fear response within us that is hard to quell. Yet exposing ourselves  to our personal demons is the best way to move past them. to me.. one of my worse fear is.. to get sick and not being able to feel well and live life.. this would be my night mare.. I love life, and I love feeling good.. so iam scared of a big sickness having control to my life.. so.. I always ask God to protect me.. so I can live long and feel healthy! I also fear losing my family.. or my husband or Daugther.. I hope I can die first so i wont suffer! and I have panic, I hate, flying.. I just hate it.. and since I was little.. I dream about a air plane crashing  when Iwas flying and I died because of it..  Medical experts tell us that the anxious feeling we get when we're afraid is a standardized biological reaction. It's pretty much the same set of body signals, whether we're afraid of getting bitten by a dog, getting turned down for a date, or getting our taxes audited. Fear, like all other emotions, is basically information. It offers us knowledge and understanding - if we choose to accept it - of our psychobiological status.



 by: Dr. Karl Albrecht
There are only five basic fears, out of which almost all of our other so-called fears are manufactured.

Those five basic fears are:

Extinction - fear of annihilation, of ceasing to exist. This is a more fundamental way to express it than just calling it the "fear of death". The idea of no longer being arouses a primary existential anxiety in all normal humans. Consider that panicky feeling you get when you look over the edge of a high building.

Mutilation - fear of losing any part of our precious bodily structure; the thought of having our body's boundaries invaded, or of losing the integrity of any organ, body part, or natural function. For example, anxiety about animals, such as bugs, spiders, snakes, and other creepy things arises from fear of mutilation.

Loss of Autonomy - fear of being immobilized, paralyzed, restricted, enveloped, overwhelmed, entrapped, imprisoned, smothered, or controlled by circumstances. In a physical form, it's sometimes known as claustrophobia, but it also extends to social interactions and relationships.

Separation - fear of abandonment, rejection, and loss of connectedness - of becoming a non-person - not wanted, respected, or valued by anyone else. The "silent treatment," when imposed by a group, can have a devastating psychological effect on the targeted person
.
Ego-death - fear of humiliation, shame, or any other mechanism of profound self-disapproval that threatens the loss of integrity of the Self; fear of the shattering or disintegration of one's constructed sense of lovability, capability, and worthiness.



Some of the most famous fear of all time:

"Men fear death as children fear to go in the dark."
---- Francis Bacon

"The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear."
--- H.P. Lovecraft

"In politics, what begins in fear usually ends in folly."
---- Coleridge

"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain."
--- Frank Herbert, Dune - Bene Gesserit Litany Against Fear

"A man who has been in danger,
When he comes out of it forgets his fears,
And sometimes he forgets his promises."
---- Euripides - Iphigenia in Tauris (414-12 BC)

"He either fears his fate too much,
Or his deserts are small,
That puts it not unto the touch
To win or lose it all"
---- James Graham - Marquis of Montrose

"I have almost forgot the taste of fears.
The time has been my senses would have cool'd
To hear a night shriek, and my fell of hair
Would at a dismal treatise rouse and stir
As life were in't. I have supp'd full with horrors;
Direness, familiar to my slaughterous thoughts,
Cannot once start me."
---- Will - Macbeth

"Being frightened is an experience you can't buy."
---- Anthony Price - Sion Crossing (1984)

"What we fear comes to pass more speedily than what we hope."
---- Publilius Syrus - Moral Sayings (1st C B.C.)

"Solitude scares me. It makes me think about love, death, and war. I need distraction from anxious, black thoughts."
---- Brigitte Bardot

"Why are we scared to die? Do any of us remember being scared when we were born?"
---- Trevor Kay

"A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice."
---- Edgar Watson Howe - Country Town Sayings (1911)

Courage is not the lack of fear but the ability to face it."
---- Lt. John B. Putnam Jr. (1921-1944)


I hope you all have a great day! ;-) Hisis Poe

Even the bravest of creatures have some fears, but it is not enough to stop them from moving in the path they are destined to walk upon.

xoxo.
 

17 de setembro de 2013

Readdy for fall!

 

London... maybe some day i will get to be there!
 With the cold weather comes fashion!
I love old houses with a ghost kind of look.. Empty houses and old houses have a history.. a mistery..
With the cold comes hot coffee almost all the time!
Comes the bed reading time under the covers...
Well, candles are a all year around kind of thing for me...
Dressing  all in black and not feeling hot.. so cool...
Boots, tights, etc

Smoke, for the ones that like it!

So.. busy busy days.. wish means a happy Hisis.. since I love the agitation of work, kid, husband, food, school, gym.. I always try to keep it positive.. and iam doing good so far. Of course, I have bad days, horrible days.. I get to talk with very rude people.. but I really try not to get offended and I keep going with my smile even when I have a lot of reasons to be pissed.. I choose not to! This woman at work came to me asking where was her cup.. and I asked her.. oh didnt I give it to you?? and she really looked at me red, mad, angry.. and said: Do I look like Iam holding a F. cup??? I really... really didnt want to believe she was being that rude with me.. everybody that was around was like looking at her like she was the devil.. for me.. I look at her feeling sorry.. I dont know what is wrong with her.. but for her to be like that.. she must have a miserable life.. and I just ask God to bless her.. and that she can be more polite and less rude with people that dont have nothing to do with her problems! I have problems.. but I dont go kicking people because Iam mad.. but.. anyway.. changing the mad woman topic... I just did a cleaning on my closet.. I did the change from summer to fall and winter clothes.. and Iam so happy.. because I learned to love the cold weather.. I love it so much right now.. that I could just move to alaska.. or another place were winter are longer than here in texas.. to tell the truth.. we dont even have winter.. it is like fall and spring.. but it feels good since we get a very hot summer.. unconfortable as hell.. but.. we can not have everything ha?!! 

Well, I dont spend time thinking about heaven. I want to live the present the best I can.. I dont know if i will got o heaven.. If I need to be going to a church to be able to be in heaven.. than I will burn in hell! I love God and I believe him.. but going to church doesnt work for me anymore and never will! One day I was just thinking,  I need to cut corners and put aside things that didnt make me happy.. and than I decided.. to stop going to a church.. and I never felt better in my hole life! Iam not here to please no one.. I just want to live my life and take care of my family! I am not a evil person and I am not that kind of person that will be showing and telling how good they are.. I just do it for myself and God.. my relationship with him is private.. I believe in him and I feel his love in the simple things in life.. and only him will be able to judje me in my final days and long after death life!  One of the most difficult lessons in life is how to accept ourselves the way we really are.. and Ive learned that a long time ago.. and now.. more than never.. I feel confident... I know what Iam... I know what I want.. I dont need to live for anybody else but myself and my family! I hope you all have a great rest of week! Right now, I will put sammys lunch for school and get everything readdy for tomorrow! Good night!
xoxo - Hisis Poe

11 de setembro de 2013

How does one become a butterfly?.. You must want to fly so much that you are willing to give up being a caterpillar. Sometime, or better, most of the time i feel the importance of living doing what I like without giving a crap about the other people that has nothing to do with anything I live. I think our time is limited on this earth, and Iam not afraid of radical changes. There is so much beauty in simple things in life.. I just discovered i have big pleasure in waking up early in the morning and making a very hot cup of coffee, put my favorite songs to play and filling the house with good aroma as candles and incense! I think it is so relaxing.. the silence, the caffeine invading my body and feeling my mornings with pleasure.. I always look for it every morning.. and I think my mornings are so much better than before! ;-) If for some reason you are not happy with your life, you need to slow down and maybe take a different  approach to your everyday rotine!  Sometimes I just sit in my chair in the nigth.. in silence.. I dont do meditation, but I love to just listen to my wishes, my heart, just feel the moment alone... it is like Iam talking to myself as my best friend.. it feels so good! With  age, I feel better about myself.. iam confident and I really dont care about people judje me for... Of course, I know how to behave in public and stuff like that.. but I simple am Hisis.. as transparent as water.. I know Iam not perfect, and I know people have different feelings, opinions etc.. i just stopped giving crap for what people may think or not think.. It is a good feeling.. it is like leaving free... even knowing we are not tottaly free.. and dont give me that crap.. ah we r free! Free? Nope... Iam free from myself.. but I still leave in this world full of people with a culture and a life.. and I think we need to know the limits of everything! Well.. I just felt like writing it..

 Waking up early morning!
 Give your room a good aroma from candles!
 Taste with pleasure, a hot cup of black coffee!
Put on your favorite songs to play and enjoy this moment as it was your last one on earth!

And remember!! A negative mind will never give you a positive life!


Find the true yourself, and learn to love yourself.. even if you think different, I assure to you... you will start loving your time on earth and you will live happy days! You need to change from the inside out, your soul. Too often people wait on someone or something external to change us. They blame their life on every little thing. They need to take responsibility for their own growth.  If your are not happy, and you dont move or do anything to change it, you will never be happy!








29 de agosto de 2013

I hope I can keep my blog going this time!

 
           I am so happy that fall is almost here.. I cant wait for the cold weather, the cozy winter and fall. Time for thinking, time to relax, to enjoy a good cup of hot coffee! It is a happy time.. you feel like reading more.. I know I do! I love this time of the year.. cause I do a lot of thinking.. I feel good! With the cod comes Halloween, Thanks given, and... well.. Christmas! I confess I don't like Christmas.. and usually for me.. it is one of the worse time of the year.. and I just pray it can pass by fast.. like a lighting! I have a lot of reasons for not liking it.. but I don't want to write those in here!I love pictures, I have to take more pictures.. I need to drive around and start to take pictures of things I love.. pictures r memories.. of some time in time, the pass, and It kind of makes me feel alive! Everytime you take a picture.. it is part of the past... kind of weird.. but makes sense some how! I know a lot of things I write.. or feel.. are not understood for many.. but that is fine.. because what I want.. is to just write my feeling for the moment. Sometimes I just seat here.. and think about 1.000 things.. and It is nice writing about those feelings.. in the future it will be good to read all these things! Well, I want to write here more.. I hate blogging.. but.. I will try again.. hehehe just like a diary! a open one! I have a thing for everything old.. Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and live a while in a year like 1940. There was another time.. another way to see things.. I just wish I could see how things were! Well.. you all have a good night!   Hisis Poe